Ash Chandler Show

Before "Don 2" my wife and I sneaked into the much-revered show of Ash Chandler - standup comedian and occasional singer at ITC Grand's Black Dog evening. What a show! Ash Chandler is outstanding with his lines and singing. We were proccupied with showing up at SRK's premiere and hence I missed making shorthand notes but Ash Chandler is quite a find for us with his unadulterated and rambunctious act of 90 minutes of laughter. He started the show with an attire of a Spanish singer and started giving yarns about men, marriage, women and comedy that talks below the belt. Yes, strictly for adults but Ash carried with class and consummate ease. The gags were well-rehearsed and the targets in the audience who bore the brunt of his repartees were polished off well. A few gags I remembered: 1.He asked how many in the audience were married - only nine hands went up and one of them- a lady raised both hands. Ash said: "I can tell you most of you in the room are fucking lying or you are embarrassed to admit you are married. And the lady who raised both hands - what the hell do you have in mind - madam? Do you have two husbands or what?". 2. He starts the show with a request to the audience to ask him anything in Telugu and he will reply in Telugu even though he didn't pick up the language but you have to tell the object around the stage in Telugu. So, somebody in the audience said - microphone. Ash said: microphone lu (as in plural sense of Telugu). Speaker lu, chair lu and so on. Get it? 3. He polled the audience where they come from - some said Bglor, Kolkatta, Delhi, Mumbai - He picks up Kolkattans and repeats the old joke about Chatterjees, Mukherjees, Banerjees - and said if there's a flood in Bangladesh, they will be "Refugees". 4. He adds that women are the most beautiful part and the creative part of the world and God has created them with reason and care. He then quips that there is nothing called male intuition. Everything thats intuitive is called female intuition. Which is why, when you are driving down in a car with your wife, and you are suddenly lost in thoughts, he says, only your wife can come up with a question: "I know what you are thinking." (lol). The wife seems to have a perfect premonition as to what is happening with you - and second-guessing your motives. He builds it up: If you have trouble deciphering what the lady says and asks of you - oftentimes, you will end up confessing something you never wanted to or did in the first place. (l.o.loudest). He then adds that the ladies want someone who can just listen and not understand. Which is why, if two males think about meeting - at 7.30pm- it is a short message - we will meet at 7 pm and click ok thats about it. But when you meet a lady- its more exciting - and doesn't end in half-hour. First, you have to listen to what the lady has to say about her day - how it went. How the day of her best friend went. And then her reaction to how the best friend has to say about her day went. Until then, you can drown your glasses without batting an eyelid and giving a scent of a feeling that you are not listening...you know those old jokes about women and listening, that kind..4. He has a joke or two about Hyderabad. At the outset, when he asked how many are from Hyderabad, and not many answered in the affirmative, he said, " Forget it, the guys are thinking, we are not sure whether we are from Hyderabad or not, because we are not sure which state it is the capital of? Once we know, we will let you know?". That kind. The show was non-stop funny and outrageously hilarious - there was the occasional song which the audience participated in - Ash also mimicked George Bush, Osama Bin Laden and how Stings would perform a Kolaveri Di. As a limited public speaker but an aspirational writer, I note that Ash Chandler (who has a galaxy of tabs in youtube on his video performances) knows his lines well, rehearses them painstakingly and connects with any audience superbly. Its been one starburst of an evening that we were privileged to get regaled. Both of us felt many highs even if Ash's favorite animal Black Dog was not consumed by us. Great Find and Great job! Ash.

"Don-2" Movie Review

"Don-2" is Shah Rukh Khan's second film for 2011 and could do better than "Ra.One" despite low-key publicity. Farhan Akhtar's films and scripting caliber are always something to look forward to - he rarely loses his mojo. After the success of Don, he and chum Ridesh Sadhwani seem well-determined to enhance the franchisee value of "Don" - and they do reasonably well in capturing the original mo...od of Don in this sequel. Shah Rukh Khan looks comfortable in his skin - and swagger and swashbuckle come naturally to him in the movie as he mouths many pithy one-liners - he packs a punch in many of the garbs he puts on in the film - first as a Thai prisoner (in an adorable hermit-like Samurai) and later as the metrosexual and suave Don. Treatment of the film is the same as that of the first - slow-moving but steady and slick action sequences and the song numbers that burst out lately. Bomman Irani doesn't get a role he deserves but others like Kunal Kapoor and Nawab Shah do better. Priyanka Chopra gets as meaty role as possible as a cop out to nab Don while for Lara Dutta - she doesn't get anywhere even if she shows more skin than Priyanka Chopra. The plot of the film is a little less multi-layered than "Don" as the scene shifts from Asia to Europe where Don wants to rule now. I wonder if thats what all Dons are thinking right now - Don's job is to get the plates to print the Euro in Berlin from a German Bank DCB. I wonder if thats true again - I thought Brussels office of the ECB prints the Euro - but lets leave that. The scene then shifts mostly between Zurich and Berlin for the rest of the movie and shows how the heist is performed with perfect execution by Don and team. No twist in the tail here unlike the original - and thats what leaves the fans with a uni-dimensional flavor - an uber cool James Bond project disguised as Don-2 with car chases and fights that get the gut minus romance. 146 minutes of boyhood adventures minus "real" girl stuff is what Farhan Akhtar dexterously weaves with superb help from Editing, Cinematography (someone called James West who is truly outstanding) and music. Shankar-Ehsan-Loy score magnificently on BGM but their songs are not that hummable as "Aaj Keee Raaaaat..." (Don). The surprise thats worth the movie's weight in gold is Hrithik Roshan's brief cameo before the interval. Watchable once for the effort and the scale of execution but repeated viewing I doubt. Shah Rukh fans can atleast rejoice he is ending 2011 better than what he struck you in the middle with.

Business Magazines and Business Journalism

Like pigs sniffing truffles from afar, I chase down any book on stockmarket or a magazine that claims to know the "secret". Sadly, then, I chronicle the rise and fall of stockmarket magazines in India. Of course, you always had magazines like "Business Today", "Business India" (can you believe it is still there?) and "Business World" with occasional banter about the markets but magazines and tabloids on stockmarkets were always springing up from nowhere and capsizing in bad times. "Fortune India", "Intelligent Investor" (now known as "Outlook Money"), "Shree Profit", "MoneyTimes", "Kompella's Portfolio Advice", and one magazine brought out by RR Capital, New Delhi-"Investment Portfolio Watch" or something like that - the list goes on...There are few which survived like "Dalal Street Journal" and "Capital Market" but amongst those which came with fanfare there are few which are edging up sales - "MoneyLife", "Money Today", "Wealth Insight", "Mutual Fund Insight" and "Investor India" (mainly captive to Bajaj Capital). Outlook group started "Outlook Profit" a few years back but now they have closed down with December issue in the same month that saw the release of Vinod Mehta's autobiography "Lucknow Boy"- I keep wondering what led a group with deep pockets like Outlook merge "Outlook Profit" with "Outlook Business". I guess what undid "Profit" was reliance on mostly research reports - in the guise of covering company profiles and market views - sourcing reports by CLSA/Motilal/MS/GS etc. Sourabh Mukherjea was probably the only writer I used to follow in "Outlook Profit" - the rest is ho-hum and below-par or external research content. It was hardly original even if its is informative. Another magazine I suspect is Valueresearch's "MF Insight" - it reeks of paid advertorials - between the mutual funds recommended and the ones advertised. Except for Sanjiv Pandya and Paronjoy Thakurta, there's nothing worth reading really that makes a difference to Advisors. I always treat any report from Research desks released to public with suspicion - if somebody is leaking such reports to public, it means they want to find suckers on the moon. If your research is really that good, you should share with your clients and make them money - or else, it tantamounts to front-running. Amongst the newspapers - my best and foremost is always "BusinessLine"- Investment World - I have not missed an issue since 1994 and it has the best legacy of objective views on the stockmarkets. The fact that IW is edited by my friend is no excuse for not picking a bone with it - it is still a trustworthy source of opinion and analysis on the stock markets.iA leaf out of Businessline's "Investment World" is more than all the future babble that permeates the business & money magazines. There is ET, BS , Mint, DNA Money, and FE but more drivel than insights except the occasional columnist pieces - a'la Ruchir Joshi or Madan Sabnavis or Sanjay Prakash. Almost no magazine covers stock markets with independent thinking and unbiased opinions - except maybe "Capital Market" and to some extent "MoneyLife". Equity Master - the group that runs Quantum Fund is good - but they are trying hard to garner assets and clients in a world dominated by distributors. They send good newsletters but appear like teaser ads for baiting your subscription money for multi-bagger stocks. Instead, rediff.com gives you better insights on markets and asides.The best way to read any of these magazines is to use their data and process through your own prisms of analysis, interpretation, reasoning and conclusions. It is easy for anybody to do that if you see what I mean - ask your searching questions and have "contrary" thinking approach. But I subscribe to all these mags and papers and journals - they keep us anchored to the tenets of filtering the "flat earth news" through your mind. They tell me that in hearing views and news about the markets - you can stand out and go against the grain and still make money. I welcome if anybody has to share any other sources of markets that is different and reliable.

"Journey" Movie Review

"Journey" directed by M.Shravanan and originally produced by AR Murugadoss is another feather to divvy up the golden year of Tamil dubbed movies into Telugu. Wonderfully crafted and innovatively shot - "Journey" is a story of what happens before and after a major collusion of two buses coming to and fro Hyd-Vijayawada. (Trichy-Chennai in original). Two love stories of which one is almost of impro...bable origin (like a Black Swan) are enchantingly woven by M.Shravanan with lots of cuteness and credibility. A story like this which ends in a fatal bus collusion killing 50 pc of the people deserves a rich screenplay toggling past and present quite easily. Director achieves that too and succeeds in giving a few messages, inter alia, on organ donation, choosing a life partner and of course, reckless and speedy driving on roads. The entire sequence of the two buses ramming into each other is shot in outstanding slow motion that brings out the brutality and fatality of such accidents in a telling fashion - you will shudder to hit road like that after seeing the havoc that follows a moment of lapse. Its remarkable how bold and evocative these Tamil movies are and what a mix of class and variety they have. This year, I was lucky to spare a dime to see half a dozen movies of Tamil dubbed into Telugu- "Rangam", "Vaishali", "Vaadu-Veedu", "The Gambler", "7th Sense", and now "Journey" - all of them have a tale that sets each of them apart from one another. Of course, there were notable must-misses like "Sega" and "180" but by far, despite movies like "Kandireega" and "Dookudu" and "Sri Rama Rajyam" methinks 2011 belongs to Tamill dubbed movies in Telugu. They are bold, imaginative, different and refreshingly evocative despite being hauntingly closer to reality. No wonder, Tollywood producers who don't have the guts to make different films are hell-bent on raising the entry barriers to these dubbed movies. Tollywood is 90 percent formulaic, only 10 percent is experimental -thats not enough to launch a renaissance of new wave cinema. Come Sankranti- you have half-a-dozen Telugu films which will again have tons of bizarre violence, obscene dances, and dialogues that sound like " I will make you piss" or something like that. We have to watch because there is no choice. I hope we have more films dubbed into Telugu from sensible film-makers. This started off as a movie review but became something else- year-end outpourings of a mad Tollywood fan who expects the industry to grow-up and make mature films. Otherwise, we will continue to make films that are atavistic but commercial hits.

How to React in a Bear Market?

A Bear Market can do more damage than a bull market if you react in two ways- 1. Are u surprised? 2. What do you think is going on? If u think, its end of the world, U will panic out. Will you bail out before being bailed out? Ask yr Advisor or yrselves..

"Twirly Men" Book Review

Even though my interest in cricket waned after the new high Indian cricket hit on April 2nd and subsequently its lows in England and the yo-yo series in West Indies., I go to ridiculous lengths to read good writing on cricket. I still re-read the works of Neville Cardus - that masterly writer of Manchester Guardian - and the occasional PG Wodehouse stories based on cricket. In India, Rajan Bala had his style of writing but I was a big fan of R.Mohan who wrote for THE HINDU. He was the reason to read about Cricket in any sports newspapers those golden years of 1980s-1990s until he was sacked following an investigation by THE HINDU in the infamous Azharuddin betting scam. After that, R.Mohan wrote but the halycon days were behind him as he never found the same sweet spot of THE HINDU. I used to follow Peter Roebuck almost regularly until his shocking suicide jump - I never really understand what makes anybody jump the gun, I mean, buildings in reacher upper echelons of heaven - for whatever reason. But lets leave that - I feel that Cricket Writing has not improved so much and even Nirmal Shekar and other writers for Wisden don't have the flashes of brilliance that earlier writers used to have. Until, I found a fascinating new writer whose book I strongly recommend - AMOL RAJAN. He writes for THE INDEPENDENT newspaper in London and has written the singularly best book ever on the history and craft of SPIN Bowlers of cricket. Titled "Twirly Men", the book is a masterpiece on the art and history of spin bowling - and must be a treat for all connoisseurs of cricket. For those who missed the golden era of Indian spin trio of Bedi, Prasanna, and Chandraskar or the spin bowlers of yore like Graeme Swann, Larry Golmes, Abdul Qadir,Swanton, Richie Benaud, Zaheer Abbas, Len Hutton Amol Rajan weaves a fascinating and almost read-out-loud, delightful and gripping account of those masters of deception who rarely get their attention like Percussionists of a Carnatic music concert. What amazed me is that Amol Rajan, I googled to find, used to be a spin bowler in English county cricket before taking to writing about the game due to failure from injury and half indolence. If you love books on cricket and revel in reading about WG Grace by Sir Neveille Cardus, TWIRLY MEN deserves an ovation for a rollicking read. Rajan not only traces the craft of spinning through the game's greats over the years, he weaves tales of drama and gets you inside some of those pitch-turning battles that made the spin bowlers heroes of the day - including today's Muralidharan, Warne, Kumble. The book also has a chapter each on a variety of balls that the practitioners have used over the years - the "doosra", the carrom ball, the arm ball, the zooter or slider or nothing ball, the flipper and the googly - each of this ball is illustrated with drawings too. Can't miss this book if you love the game and a writing thats worthy of the game. I will be turning out my best reads of the year category-wise shortly - but having finished this one sooner - cannot resist the read. Take it like Geoff Boycott's commentary on spinning with R.Mohan's literary flourish and Neville Cardus's lyrical beauty of language. "Twirly Men" - best book on Cricket in 2011.

Stockmarkets

When it comes to stockmarkets, fear leads to panic, panic breeds the inability to distinguish between temporary declines and permanent losses. That, in turn, leads to the well-documented propensity to be massive sellers of good investments near market bottoms. We seem to be getting there if you see Equity Mutual Fund inflows have recorded a 31 month lows. Some never learn.