Malathi Chandoor - A life of wisdom, clarity and simplicity

Malathi Chandoor's passing at age 87 hasn't got the due attention amidst a day of a high-profile Telugu wedding and the never-ending saga of Telugu state divisions. Malathi Chandoor has been a literary sensation in her own right for over seven decades. She inspired many women to move out of their comfort zones and become economically productive. My mother owes her formative years to becoming a die-hard fan of Malathi Chandoor since she began a column "Pramadaavanaalu" in Andhra Prabha weekly. That column, my mother says, had  covered most FAQs in crisp capsules on topics ranging from The Consitution of India and Career Planning to History, Science, Economics, Astronomy and even Culinary sciences. 

Over the years, she earned respect as one of the most-well-read and well-informed Telugu writers getting an audience that spans all ages. I remember "Vantalu, Pindi Vantalu" (Recipes, Traditional recipes) which my mother used to refer for cooking up delicacies we used to gorge on - Mysore Pak, Bisibele Bath, Sambaar - dishes that have now become commonplace. But in those days that book was handy for winning plaudits in the kitchen for womenfolk.

Malathi Chandoor wrote several easy-reading novels with clean  fare that may not have found the dizzy appeal for  cinema scripts like Yandamoori Veerendranath and Yaddanapudi Sulochana Rani. But she had her mark that found her niche audience. She has also translated over 300 famous English and European language novels into Telugu; "Paatha Kerataalu" was one such successful column. Telugu novelists like Yaddanapudi have outgrown fiction to write lengthier treatises on self-help themes to cater to a wider audience but Malathi Chandoor stuck to her forte of penning the occasional novels but maintaining her sagacious grasp of matters that baffle us everyday - Personal Finance, Legal problems, Subprime Crisis, Corruption in Society, Received wisdom in bringing up kids, What to look for when marrying, How to balance work and life, Importance of learning history etc. In a world that's full of information, hers was a voice of clarity that struck gold with lakhs of readers. Often, the questions posed by her readers are longer than answers but you will never find an out-of-place solution to the dilemmas presented by her audience. Concise, practical and crystalline are her answers. "Swaathi" the Telugu weekly carries her column and many readers who grew up on her writings like my mother might be reading the columns to all family members at the dining table. For most of what my own mother achieved in her life be it taking up teaching, rearing up kids, making them read and study well, taking up Social Sciences, pursuing a Ph.D, writing articles and starting a Girl's college - she owes much to Malathi Chandoor. Infact, we now tear off the page of Malathi's column and make a bound copy of her summary on a diversity of topics. I strongly hope that "Swaathi" publish her columns into books. Ditto with Andhra Prabha columns.

Besides her versatility and knowledge, Malathi Chandoor was gutsy. She carved out her own cult distinct `from her husband Chandoor Nageshwar Rao who was a creative writer since age 20. She didn't give up her writing after her husband passed away recently as she traverses a range of topics. She recently protested against Ramoji Rao of Eenadu group for publishing false reports about Potti Sreeramulu University. Unlike many writers who became saints from questionable background (like Malladi Venkata Krishna Moorthy) or writers who built reputation on faulty pillars of values (like Yandamoori) or writers who created exceptional impact on the women of the Telugu society for a generation or two with  nativised Western sensibilities (like Yaddanapudi), Malathi Chandoor lived a life of simple living and high thinking from beginning till the end. For her column in "Swaathi", she uses a tagline that goes something like this: "Human Happiness and Moral Duty are inseparably connected." That line itself says a million words without expanding much and that itself should seal the nobility and the timeless appeal of Madam Malathi Chandoor's writings. One only wishes Malathi wrote more books of non-fiction considering that her popularity could have outsold those who had lesser credentials. 

She has always understood the power of a word, the power of a written word that can make someone's mental makeup right, heal someone, inspire a professional or nudge a housewife into budget planning or give hope  to a Retiree couple. Incidentally, the last "agony" our Aunty answered was from an elderly couple who are living off EMIs coming from their house under "Reverse Mortgage" now getting pressured by both daughter-in-law and daughter to sell the home. Malathi's suggestion? File a PIL through an advocate against both of them to leave the old couple in peace. Hints and Tips like this are more than a household suggestion that can help millions of hapless old parents who are getting torn between affection and insensitivities of children. Mrs.Malathi Chandoor  - you have been a writer that inspired many like my mom with writing that is practical, homely and clear. You were the original "agony aunt" for many readers like my mother. Cancer has withered you away  but your worldly-wise nature will win you more fans in the other worlds. 

"Once Upon a Time in Mumbai Dobaara" (Hindi Film Review)

Milan Luthria is a stylish film-maker who must have been fed on the crazy films of the 70s and 80s when film scripts were revolving around only three or four things - hero, heroine, villain and the xtra factor  - which is either an item girl, the sadist rapist, or the occasional vamp. He has been lucky so far with stars who love a throwback to that era - the era where villainy was glorified, heroism was hedonistic and heroinism was objectified beyond today's off-limits of feminism. Milan revels in creating motifs that Bollywood has painfully outgrown in the last two decades after the last Superstar moved on to better scripts - chain-smoking heroes in James Bond suits, uber-rich metrosexual villains masquerading as well-oiled and swashbuckling heroes, heroines with heavy bosoms and heavy-metal costumes and heavier makeups.  "OUTMD" is every foot carrying the signature style of Milan Luthria but this time despite the props and a fresh-looking starcast that combines youth and experience, the film fails to deliver fully. It starts off with the usual promise of Milan - the swagger, oomph and spice that almost pulls off till the first half but later peters out, infact meanders pointlessly in the second half ending with a sick feeling in the end.

Story is loosely resembling the plot of "Muqaddar Ka Sikander". Shoab (Akshay Kumar) is a Don who commands Mumbai (first rushes mirror the personality of Dawood Ibrahim). He employs Aslam (Imran Khan) and Salim in teens and helps them grow under his shadow. Enter Jasmine  (Sonakshi Sinha) who is friendly with both Shoab and Aslam who think they are in love with the girl without realising that it is the same "x" until the last reel. Meanwhile, Mahesh Manjrekar is the villain who is out to finish Shoab (Akshay). Shoab plots to eliminate Mahesh by setting up a drama where Aslam has to be the lover of Jasmine and her guardian angel. In truth, Shoab has unfolded a sequence that makes a fiction truth. In the drama that unfolds, Shoab finds out the real truth, trains his guns on the real culprit Aslam but instead gets killed by the Mumbai police in the climactic chase. 

What makes the film tick in the first half is the stamina of dialogue writer and lyricist Rajat Aroraa which makes Milan Luthria films a resounding watch. Akshay and Imran keep getting their amazing one-liners which are each worth a million bucks. A dialogue on love: "Aajkal Pyaar Naukrani ki taraf hoti hai...Aati, Bell Bajati, Apna Kaam Karti aur phir chup chaap chale jaati." There's one on mosquitos: "Macchar jis aadmi ka khoon peeta hai usike haath maara jati." One on men and women. "Ladki jab roti hai kaaran kahi hai par ladka jab rota hai, uska kaaran sirf ladki hi hai." One on the common man: "Aam Aadmi Aam ki taraf hai. Koyi Aam ki juice choosleta hai, to koyi use kaat leta hai ya phir koyi use poora khaa leta hai." One more on Love: "Pyaar googly jaisi hai - mile tho badam nahin tho moonphali." One last on Mumbai: " Mumbai sirf do cheeso se chalta hai - luck aur local - ek gayi tho doosra aayi." One-liners like this sizzle almost every four minutes in the 160-odd minute long film. Probably, a few less than what you heard in "The Dirty Picture" but make it count for the entertainment quotient with adult appeal. Normally, Milan's idiom for film-making is the original flavor of entertainment that films like those made by Manmohan Shetty, Prakash Mehra and Ramesh Sippy used to stand  for. (No wonder I noticed the head of distribution is Ramesh Sippy).                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Akshay Kumar as the swashbuckling Don looks fabulous in the film with neat performances by both Imran Khan and Sonakshi Sinha. Sonakshi has looked better in other movies than this one, either she hasn't stopped putting on weight or she needs a new makeup-man. 

Music by Pritham is a highlight - both the BGM which reminds of the flamboyance of yesteryears and the songs splendidly picturised. Milan Luthria has hit jackpots with a hundred-crore film with "The Dirty Picture" but in this film, he has taken a flimsy story with a cliched ending and failed to fire up the last-mile hurrahs that makes a stylish film. He has failed in characterisation - all three leading stars' portrayal leaves something incomplete in the end; Sonakshi is friendly to both but warms up to Aslam almost in an instant, Imran is faithful to his master but turns his back in the last, Akshay is consistent throughout as a mercenary who eliminates competition but fails to relent when his sounding board Sonali Bendre convinces him to let go of Sonakshi. On the whole, despite flashes of brilliance, class and entertainment appeal, the film doesn't sustain the interest for long after the interval. You could walk out at interval because that had the best lines, best songs and the best entertainment. Milan will have to think hard how long he will cast the spell of nostalgia to breath fire into frames that still hold enormous talent and promise as a film-maker. He continues to get the patronage of Balaji Films but is he barking up the wrong tree or can he commission stories that are current? His making lacks improvisation and variety in screenplay, pace and melodrama. 2.5/5 for a film that fails to engage till the last.

Happy Independence Day, India!

Motherland. Fatherland. Homeland. Native land. The description of land as mother and father is a recognition of its generative power. Yet, I find many of us Indians, you and me included, have become more cynical, depressive, hopeless and critical of the generative and even re-generative powers of India as a land of opportunities. If individuals like us have weathered more storms and crises to move on and come up better, India with a collective strength of 1.3 Billion individuals like me has greater potential for opportunities, optimism and happiness. More importantly, it stands a greater chance to become a better nation at age 67 than many other nations. Remember, India is a country of nations, as I said earlier, not just a homogenous nation. Like Earth spinning on itself at tachyonic speeds and yet remaining stable, India is seeing delta changes at incredible speeds in all aspects and yet we are more stable despite chaos all-round - which lesser diverse and heterogenous nations in East and West haven't been fortunate enough to see and remain united. It's a privilege and a blessing we must applaud and celebrate. When we were far happier and nationalistic and patriotic when we had poor roads, fiat cars, non-AC theatres, dirty surroundings and lower per-capita incomes, what stops us being happy and energetic and passionate about India now? Let's not abrogate our right to be happy and optimistic about the future  - it is never more brighter than now - and fool ourselves into depression by believing our politicians and mediapersons. When we say "Happy Birthday" to someone, we mean it. Let's mean it too when we say "Happy Independence Day". India deserves it more and Indians which make India deserve to mean and live it too by becoming better individuals which make up a country.  Again, Happy Independence Day folks. A very happy I-Day to all my Indians who carry Indian-ness across the planet. I am proud and happy to be born into an independent nation. Are you? If not, why aren't you? We don't give up on ourselves. Why do we give up so easily on India?

"Chennai Express" Hindi Film Review

Most Superstars of Bollywood merely adopt the antics of South Film Industry in a bid to taste success but few connect with the masses as Shah Rukh Khan. Despite a string of flops in recent times, SRK has been working assiduously for over a year on the script of "Chennai Express" which was passionately narrated by Action King Director Rohit Shetty. SRK follows the South Film Industry's phenomenal reach keenly and at the last South Filmfare Awards Ceremony, he was entranced by the magical world of Southern Stars and even danced in front of Kamal Hassan reluctantly. With that backdrop, "Chennai Express" was going to be the ultimate blockbuster that SRK planned with Rohit Shetty who loves pace, action, melodrama and romance with a minimalism that connects with the masses. With over 3500 screens, SRK pulls out all stops to make a comeback film - he ropes in lucky star Deepika Padukone as the "Oru G Nali T" Tamil girl, music duo Vishal-Shekar and a maverick production house of UTV Motion Pictures. Except SRK and Deepika in the lead, no recognised artiste from Bollywood can be seen. On the contrast, Rohit picks a fresh team of irregulars as the bevy of villains in the film, including the venerable Tamil star Satyaraj. Satyaraj is an unlikely choice for the role of the heroine's father because he is a hardcore Tamil nationalist and heads an organisation for Tamil lingustic movement in real life. 

If imitation is flattery, "Chennai Express" pays tribute to the surreal world of Tamil and Telugu Cinema with its simplistic romantic tracks over-invested with heavy-duty violence, villains who ooze out menace and drip out sickle-and-sumo violence, sidekick villains who are built like mountains and unshaved girth, comedy thats instantaneous and situational, and costumes that flourish with a garnish amidst plenty of rural prosperity. In short, "Chennai Express" is a Bollywood version of "DDLJ" and "QuickGun Murugan" with plenty of masala fare that rejuvenates your love for South Indian films - if you are already not tired of watching them in the original or in dubbed versions on Desi channels. The story is simple: Rahul (SRK) is a rich Grand-dad's Inheritor of Wealth but is trapped in running the family business of Sweets in Mumbai. His best chance to branch out in pursuit of his real passion comes when his grand-dad dies. His grandma requests him to take one urn of the grand-dad's ashes to Rameshwaram even as she takes another Urn to immerse in the Ganges. Rahul reluctantly agrees even as he is planning a detour to Goa with his friends. He jumps onto Chennai Express waved off by his grandma but destiny lands him into a spot with Deepika Padukone who is helped by him to board the train in a DDLJ fashion. The twists take him to the village of Deepika's father Satyaraj who want to marry her off to a baddie. Deepika mutters in Tamil that she is in love with SRK and they are planning to marry. Predictably, all hell breaks lose and there's a massive chase that doesn't end until the climax. SRK and Deepika fall for each other's charms meanwhile as the chase becomes an ordeal first and a ritual that romanticises life. It's an ordinary story but Rohit Shetty makes it quite a pacy and adorable screenplay with explosive performances by the lead pair and unprecedented entertainment, atleast in the first half.

Rohit Shetty's strengths are cutting the boring part of South films and infusing more energy and nativitiy of the Hindi Cinema as he did in "Singham". But in "Chennai Express", he lets the narrrative and grammar of South film sensibilities to dominate his story-telling. So, you find larger-than-life sets and picturesque scenes on the river-banks, the rustic splendour, extreme close-up shots depicting villainy that is normally inconceivable, the pulverizing violence that gives body blows, the stress-testing limits of endurance for Stuntsmen who dangerously fly the machines we cannot even water-cross - motor cycles, jeeps, buses and lorries. Deepika Padukone fits the part of the authentic Tambram heroine majestically as she rattles off Tamil and Hindi ambifluently. It's her thick English accent that sometimes grates on you and I can say you won't like it if you are a Tamil English-speaking girl. Deepika's expressions and demeanour give the velvety touch to the romance and the agony and the triumphs of the hero in his journey from Mumbai to Chennai. Shah Rukh Khan, as Rahul gives one of his finest performances. He is known for some of the freewheeling comedy that sets him on fire on Filmfare and other stage concerts. Jokes like "Tamil Terima" ("Teri Ma  - what did you say to my mother?), "Which part of Punjab are you from?"  - All body parts), Miss Subtitles and so on abound in the film and SRK gets it on a platter to give a riot. About 30 per cent of the film is actually in Tamil but SRK's expressions and quirky acting put him in a slideshow that delights mostly  - a refreshing change I find in many many years. Even if the dialogues are penned by a duo, SRK carries the film on his shoulders with his original kkkkaka..accent and dumwit dictionary of one-liners. His improvisation and quick sense of comic timing gave us some amazing moments of laughter. (I have never laughted as much in a previous SRK starrer).  It takes courage to accept a script of this dimension and SRK who is smitten by the rising popularity of Thalaivar and other heroes of South Film Industry has decided to do an original film thats a parodic take on South rather than buying re-make rights of South films that his competitors and "friends" do. 

What are the highlights of the film? Music by Vishal Shekar seems to get better with every SRK film; they became the third reason after SRK and Deepika to hit a home run. Surprisingly, the songs are unevenly spaced. First half has just one song  (a nervous Priyamani shaking a leg with SRK) and all the remaining songs in the second half. Anthakshari is introduced by way of a code language between the hero and the heroine in the film and is refreshingly sung in original voices.  Some of the scenes in the first half are loosely borrowed from "Maryaada Ramanna" in respect of the house arrest of the hero in the heroine's home. Despite a relentless charade of visuals meant to evoke humor and occasionally poke fun at the South film texture, Rohit leaves some gaps in the story and the narration. There is no linkage between the flashback and the narration in the second half. There is no realism in the clothing of the lead pair - one scene you see Deepika decked up in temple jewellery and next you see her in different attires without a carry bag, whereas SRK is in immaculate dress  - the same but ironed everytime even if he carries a backpack containing urn. There is no attempt to show SRK trying to contact his family and friends after losing a mobile phone in the train, how can anyone forget the landline number of one's home?  Also, there is a concocted scene where SRK is hidden in a bunker in a police station and the next moment he re-surfaces in a boat like a "Life of Pi" hero. Minor blemishes  maybe these, but they don't deduct the entertainment value of the film - its a dizzy cocktail of fun and masti. Rohit Shetty has truly assimilated the idiom of the eye-popping masala film of the South by inter-mixing hundreds of DVDs; it reached that potential of globalization and universal appeal because of the stamp of SRK's approval. Running time of 142 minutes, about 125 minutes is pure fun of which 30 minutes must accompany subtitles because of Tamil.  SRK has used five words in Telugu too - "Konchem", "Evadu", "Po", "Telusu" and "Chaala". Lungi-Dance which comes as a tribute to Rajinikanth has been well choreographed. 3.5 out of 5 for the effort and it's a SRK film all the way.  

"Om" 3-D (Telugu) Movie Review

This year's much-advertised 3-D film begins and ends with a sordid stunt, several false starts and a bizarre climax that might give you a headache. There is neither "Om" chant in the beginning nor a "Shanti" at interval or at "The End". It is quite a twisted plot with a lot of twists throughout the film which make it quite taxable viewing.  

Story is deceptively simple: Kalyan Ram is a business tycoon's son  - his father Karthik (Remember "Mouna Raagam" and "Gharshana"?) and his uncles Suresh and Aahuti Prasad run the show. There is a pack of villains  - Rao Ramesh and another toughie who want to eliminate Karthik. Enter Kriti Karbanda, first heroine who entraps Kalyan in love. Enter Nikesha ("Komarum Puli" fame) who wants to marry Kalyan as well. But it turns out Nikesha is out to eliminate Kalyan Ram because he is one amongst villains. Even the first heroine is another cat set among the pigeons - the pigeon being Kalyan and family. Interval block shows Kalyan shooting Nikesha point-blank range. The second half has greater unravelling of dramatic fiction: the toughie who is a cohort of Rao Ramesh is the real father of Kalyan Ram and not Karthik as believed. Karthik is the original villain who kills Kalyan Ram's grandfather, usurps his wealth and brings up Kalyan Ram while making the toughie go to jail for his wages of sin. Quite a dazzle of a story with unprecedented twists and turns but what's the point of all this? Has it justified the title - Om? No. Has it developed the romantic track? No. Has it enough material to entertain and sustain the zig-zagging screenplay's running time of 125 minutes? Partially yes. Does it catapult Kalyan Ram to the next level? Hardly so. 

Kalyan Ram produced this film again directed by a newcomer Sunil Reddy.That seems to be his business model throughout his inconsistent career-graph so far. He introduced many newcomers which includes technicians and always has a first-time director and makes a film with good production values and a well-heeled budget. Some of his directors like Surinder Reddy have become star directors. With this film, he has introduced 3-D technology  - which makes it the first action 3-D film in Telugu. The total 3-D footage is commensurate with the action sequences of the film which is about half-hour - but the sequences don't thrill you with emotions, they merely explode on the screen  - tyres tumbling out in your direction, synthetic fires engulfing the villains,SUVs flying like amoeba particles, and the occasional side bars and pillars making way to the characters you see on screen. Is this what 3-D film all about? It's not worth all the buzz. No wonder, there are more 2-D films than 3-D films and there are more pirated films than there are 3-D versions in Indian Cinema. 3-D makes sense if there's more depth in the storyline than a mere revenge story with a love triangle as this. 

Production values, however, stand out. Cinematography by Vincent Ajay and music by two -  A Rajamani and Sai Karthik - uplift the film in both the songs and the BGM. Glamour is in ample measure - both Kritti and Nikesha look good. Comedy is weakest and that can undermine the film's mass appeal. Rao Ramesh gets the only chance to play a comic villain like his father. Karthik as the father and the villain is thorough and impactful - he maybe the only reason to watch the film despite special attractions, Ghantasala Ratnakumar who synced his voice for Karthik for so many years returns to uplift Karthik. Kalyan Ram should learn that time is running out for him to re-establish his stardom; his films are different but not very different from one another - at the core, they are turning out to be tales of revenge, graphic violence, modest romance and negligible comedy. He needs to try out different roles, stylise his looks, and try different commercial formats. Otherwise, the man who made "Om" and "Hare Ram" will become "Hari Om". Rating 2.5/5.

"Saahasam" (Telugu) Movie Review

"Saahasam" is a pure action adventure film in the traditions of Hollywood films which combine action and sci-fi directed by Chandrasekhar Yeleti - a Tollywood Pro who has his own raving-fan club for making slick, intelligent and gripping films. In an earlier film interview,  he said that anybody who misses the first frame in his film will not get the big picture. Films like "Aithe", "Anukodunda Oka Roju", "Prayaanam", "Okkadunnadu" established Chandu as a director who can handle diverse subjects. In "Saahasam", he repeats one of his heroes Gopichand in a maverick role of an ATM Security Guard who is out to unearth the treasures left by his grandfather Suman in a place  close to Peshawar in Pakistan. How does Gopichand stumble upon this treasure? What connects him to get onto the expedition to Pakistan with a gang of villains led by veteran Shakti Kapoor (yes, the Bollywood baddie)? How does he connect the dots and fill the missing pieces of the original magical key which fell off the rooftop of his ancestral home before the treasure unfolds?  The entire half grapples with these questions in a film that finishes in less than three hours. 

Chandrasekhar Yeleti, for sure, borrows the story-telling techniques from the action classics of treasure-hunt right from "Mackanna's Gold" to "Indiana Jones" but he is adept at blending the entertainment with plenty of nativity and local flavor and roots.  Dialogues are crisp and uproarious, narration pacy and hardly lags except when the hunt gets into a familiiar loop in the last half hour. For a director to master the medium of Cinema, two things are quintessential - imagery and story-telling. In both, Chandu excels as he unfolds an ordinary boyhood adventure into an adventurous pursuit filled with fun and emotions. Suman as the grand-father who leaves the legacy of a humungous treasure fits well in the only flashback of the movie. A handful of irregulars fill the comedy part convincingly. Tapsi, last seen in "Shadow", seems to relish the kind of cinema that can carve out a space for her - what she lacks in glamor she is trying to make up being  the brainy male escort, no offence meant.  Gopichand, the hero, capitalises on a good story with huge scope for action sequences, he is an unusual mixture of confidence that doesn't seem like arrogance, intensity that doesn't seem like an effort, and  heroism that doesn't sound incredulous.  Gopichand has the credentials that can sustain him in the genre of action plus entertainment and this film showcases him well in that direction.

An ATM Security Guard counting hundreds of crores in a month, later transferred to the Waste-Incinerating lands at Bibinagar near Hyderabad, stumbles upon a magical key and a letter from his grandfather urging whoever reads the letter to develop the clues to get to the bottom of the treasure - the storyline is quite perceptible in today's world and credit to Reliance Entertainment and BVSN Prasad for backing a story like this which sounds off-beat in a long time.  Chandrasekhar's direction is nuanced in all other aspects except emotions. It's a pity  directors like him don't get the call sheets from heroes who are more bankable. There are two surprise packets in this watchable film - one, Shakti Kapoor - he is striking and menacing in every frame. It's a good comeback film for him. The other guy who never blinked but got ignored for almost a decade is Music Director Sri, son of veteran Music Director Chakravarti. Last heard his music for "Ammoru", Sri has composed an elegant catalogue of songs and scored exquisite BGM for a film which spans a wide canvass of action, adventure, romance. I  liked Sri for his uncompromising style of music in "Little Soldiers", "Anukokunda Oka Roju", "Gaayam" "Aavade..Maa Aavidee". His music had promising streaks and he had the nonchalance of a modern-day composer with the casualness and innocence of his late father Chakravarti. That makes Sri's music unpretentious. Welcome back Sri. Hope to see  you more. Before "Saahasam" makes way for the heavy-duty Monsoon blockbusters, take a trip down a gripping adventure of sorts without the tedious masala. Rating: 3.5/5

Telegrams Fully Stopped Full Stop

Telegrams - while they lasted - must have meant some memories, good, bad and neutral for those who grew up without a mobile phone, a laptop and an IPad. So, when everybody is lamenting on the social media  that Telegrams will be shelved forever, I want to rewind some of my memories of Telegrams and share some of the most memorable telegrams in our lives.

Telegrams in those days were the most perfect means of communicating asyncronously - you will receive a telegram when you least expect one and you didn't have to be there to receive it - it will come when it is telegraphed in speed but you may have just stepped out or travelling but the receiver's address will collect it. I had filled out atleast two or three telegrams - it used to be like a Railway Reservation form and had clearly three components - Sender, Receiver and the Body of the text message usually filled out in boxes. Every character would take a box, including punctuation marks like a full top (.) and a hyphen (-). When I used to send telegrams at the instruction of my father for audit communications, I used to take a minimum of three to five iterations because I couldn't edit well and within the space and financial constraints. (My father used to give me only finite amount and the clerk at the post office warned me: "This will take one hundred and eight rupees, hai kya?")

In many ways, telegrams were similar to twitter messages- 140 characters were what it takes to deliver one tweet whether you use hashtag or tagline. Only difference is telegrams were never serialised like tweets nowadays - it was prohibitive to send out telegrams in quick succession like, say,"Baby boy born Full Stop Mother and baby safe." and again,"Gandam for father Full Stop don't come immediately."  Telegrams were inevitably followed up with costs for further communication via trunk calls and reciprocal telegrams. For my entire life, I remember telegrams only in CAPITAL LETTERS. In chatting forums, this sort of messaging is considered offensive and called as "Shouting". I still find many old-timers who "SHOUT" in their text messages. They tell me they are used to sending many telegrams in their life and hence the habit has caught on.

By nature, telegrams served immeasurable good to rural India and most of urbanites who didn't have a telephone connection until the 90s. They arrived with a sense of urgency, emphasis and unalloyed suspense. When the postman knocked on the door and said you received a telegram, he didn't reveal anything until he took the receiver's signature and then with a straight face pulled out the masterly message. If it was a happy message, he asked for  sweets or money. Never took money if the announcement was of grave consequences. Until even 2000, I used to see most Invitation Cards for weddings, etc. carry a code for GRAMs: XXXX which meant that if you wanted to send telegrams to the newly wed couple, you will save a few hundred rupees because the message would be that much shorter (to the extent of the recepient's address) and the venue is geared up to receive messages in absentia. There were also standard messages for telegrams like in Trunk Calls - so you had a number to refer to ready-made message for Telegram on congratulating, celebrating, getting married, births and deaths, successes and promotions, examinations etc. 

Majority of telegrams were used for breaking the bad news or when Trunk Calls were too costly or failed to connect with the intended recepient. But they used to co-exist and it felt good to send genuinely happy messages in bulk.  Equally imperative to send out the grave messages. Trunk Calls were quite different those days and I never enjoyed the presence of an eavesdropper from the Telephone Exchange who used to call twice, first time to connect us to the caller and the second time to remind us when to hang up, sometimes thrice to extend it. Most times, I was uncomfortable that some employee of BSNL was keenly listening to our conversation. Depending on the mood and tone of the communication, I could sense  the employee responded with a tone affirming as if she knew all about what we talked even if she used a simple "Ohkaay Saar!" or "Okay!"

What were some of the most memorable telegrams my family received? Very few I remember. One telegram  my father recalls came from the CA Institute (ICAI) saying,"Congratulations for passing CA Intermediate". It brought enormous joy to my father and my Baamma. In those days, the Institute used to send telegrams only to successful students who passed CA exam in first attempt. It discontinued the practice shortly. After that, he never received any telegram from the Institute even after he passed the Final examination and annexed about half a dozen degrees which look longer than his name. When I recollect those moments, I guess thats an incredible feeling for a student to get an emphatic word of confirmation from the horse's mouth - from the Professional Institutes. Gone are the telegram days for CA Results which migrated from telegrams to being published in the pink papers to being put up on the board of the local chapters (That used to be another kind of drama which was nail-biting; it used to be worse than being shepherded to the Kabath). 

After that, he was never at the receiving end of telegrams. Being a CA in practice meant audits galore. So, he sent out a telegram about the commencement and completion of audits whenever. This applied to bank audits, insurance audits and routine business matters. Because the outbound traffic increased tremendously, he ordered for concessional facility which came with a code for grams. It sounded something like RUBICON. So, I crossed the rubicon whenever he sent telegrams! Most messages were routine and boring: "Audit Commenced", or "Cash Verification done" and so on.  My father was on seventh heaven the day the communication came from the Post Office that his CA firm was awarded GRAMS. In those days, it was a status symbol and my father was as elated as one would get today on getting a 41 pixel camera smartphone.

I received less than five telegrams all my life. One of them was from the American Embassy. During my early career, I was referred by my mother's friend to apply for US Embassy position of an Economic Analyst. The position was based in Chennai and meant a simple analysis of all English and vernacular newspapers on a daily basis for the American intelligence. I found the job profile exciting; it meant more reading and more writing. The telegram communicated me the date of the interview and where I should attend. Its another story that after attending the interview, I was never selected as they thought I was too young. The second telegram I received was happier but the ball was in my court this time. I completed a round of written test and interview for TCS and I was informed via telegram "You are selected for the position of "Business Analyst" Full Stop Join on or before XX.XX.XX". It meant a lot at that time when I was already at cross-roads of journalism and banking. I chose banking instead of writing and this position at TCS would have taken me into a different direction. I still wonder, had I taken the TCS offer, as some of my friends have taken, I would have been counting both rupees and dollars in my account and crores worth of ESOPs! But never regretted my career decisions - I am happy then and I am happier now, more than ever. But those two telegrams changed my destiny in a way.

That is, to cut a long story short, a nostalgic trip down the telegram path. The curtains are down on the 163-year old telegram service; it happened to the hand-written letter, inland letter, trunk call, and so on. The news of  Abraham Lincoln's assassination took almost three weeks to reach the other side of the Atlantic. Telegrams filled a big void that even ships couldn't for a long time. Neither I nor my father ever stored even one telegram that made our moments memorable but I do store an equivalent of a telegram  today in my comfort zone. I favorite the tweets I like, I like the facebook posts and pages I like to reference back, and I copy the best sms messages on my mobile phone to the memory card. Telegrams are dead, long live happy telegraphic messages!