Telegrams Fully Stopped Full Stop

Telegrams - while they lasted - must have meant some memories, good, bad and neutral for those who grew up without a mobile phone, a laptop and an IPad. So, when everybody is lamenting on the social media  that Telegrams will be shelved forever, I want to rewind some of my memories of Telegrams and share some of the most memorable telegrams in our lives.

Telegrams in those days were the most perfect means of communicating asyncronously - you will receive a telegram when you least expect one and you didn't have to be there to receive it - it will come when it is telegraphed in speed but you may have just stepped out or travelling but the receiver's address will collect it. I had filled out atleast two or three telegrams - it used to be like a Railway Reservation form and had clearly three components - Sender, Receiver and the Body of the text message usually filled out in boxes. Every character would take a box, including punctuation marks like a full top (.) and a hyphen (-). When I used to send telegrams at the instruction of my father for audit communications, I used to take a minimum of three to five iterations because I couldn't edit well and within the space and financial constraints. (My father used to give me only finite amount and the clerk at the post office warned me: "This will take one hundred and eight rupees, hai kya?")

In many ways, telegrams were similar to twitter messages- 140 characters were what it takes to deliver one tweet whether you use hashtag or tagline. Only difference is telegrams were never serialised like tweets nowadays - it was prohibitive to send out telegrams in quick succession like, say,"Baby boy born Full Stop Mother and baby safe." and again,"Gandam for father Full Stop don't come immediately."  Telegrams were inevitably followed up with costs for further communication via trunk calls and reciprocal telegrams. For my entire life, I remember telegrams only in CAPITAL LETTERS. In chatting forums, this sort of messaging is considered offensive and called as "Shouting". I still find many old-timers who "SHOUT" in their text messages. They tell me they are used to sending many telegrams in their life and hence the habit has caught on.

By nature, telegrams served immeasurable good to rural India and most of urbanites who didn't have a telephone connection until the 90s. They arrived with a sense of urgency, emphasis and unalloyed suspense. When the postman knocked on the door and said you received a telegram, he didn't reveal anything until he took the receiver's signature and then with a straight face pulled out the masterly message. If it was a happy message, he asked for  sweets or money. Never took money if the announcement was of grave consequences. Until even 2000, I used to see most Invitation Cards for weddings, etc. carry a code for GRAMs: XXXX which meant that if you wanted to send telegrams to the newly wed couple, you will save a few hundred rupees because the message would be that much shorter (to the extent of the recepient's address) and the venue is geared up to receive messages in absentia. There were also standard messages for telegrams like in Trunk Calls - so you had a number to refer to ready-made message for Telegram on congratulating, celebrating, getting married, births and deaths, successes and promotions, examinations etc. 

Majority of telegrams were used for breaking the bad news or when Trunk Calls were too costly or failed to connect with the intended recepient. But they used to co-exist and it felt good to send genuinely happy messages in bulk.  Equally imperative to send out the grave messages. Trunk Calls were quite different those days and I never enjoyed the presence of an eavesdropper from the Telephone Exchange who used to call twice, first time to connect us to the caller and the second time to remind us when to hang up, sometimes thrice to extend it. Most times, I was uncomfortable that some employee of BSNL was keenly listening to our conversation. Depending on the mood and tone of the communication, I could sense  the employee responded with a tone affirming as if she knew all about what we talked even if she used a simple "Ohkaay Saar!" or "Okay!"

What were some of the most memorable telegrams my family received? Very few I remember. One telegram  my father recalls came from the CA Institute (ICAI) saying,"Congratulations for passing CA Intermediate". It brought enormous joy to my father and my Baamma. In those days, the Institute used to send telegrams only to successful students who passed CA exam in first attempt. It discontinued the practice shortly. After that, he never received any telegram from the Institute even after he passed the Final examination and annexed about half a dozen degrees which look longer than his name. When I recollect those moments, I guess thats an incredible feeling for a student to get an emphatic word of confirmation from the horse's mouth - from the Professional Institutes. Gone are the telegram days for CA Results which migrated from telegrams to being published in the pink papers to being put up on the board of the local chapters (That used to be another kind of drama which was nail-biting; it used to be worse than being shepherded to the Kabath). 

After that, he was never at the receiving end of telegrams. Being a CA in practice meant audits galore. So, he sent out a telegram about the commencement and completion of audits whenever. This applied to bank audits, insurance audits and routine business matters. Because the outbound traffic increased tremendously, he ordered for concessional facility which came with a code for grams. It sounded something like RUBICON. So, I crossed the rubicon whenever he sent telegrams! Most messages were routine and boring: "Audit Commenced", or "Cash Verification done" and so on.  My father was on seventh heaven the day the communication came from the Post Office that his CA firm was awarded GRAMS. In those days, it was a status symbol and my father was as elated as one would get today on getting a 41 pixel camera smartphone.

I received less than five telegrams all my life. One of them was from the American Embassy. During my early career, I was referred by my mother's friend to apply for US Embassy position of an Economic Analyst. The position was based in Chennai and meant a simple analysis of all English and vernacular newspapers on a daily basis for the American intelligence. I found the job profile exciting; it meant more reading and more writing. The telegram communicated me the date of the interview and where I should attend. Its another story that after attending the interview, I was never selected as they thought I was too young. The second telegram I received was happier but the ball was in my court this time. I completed a round of written test and interview for TCS and I was informed via telegram "You are selected for the position of "Business Analyst" Full Stop Join on or before XX.XX.XX". It meant a lot at that time when I was already at cross-roads of journalism and banking. I chose banking instead of writing and this position at TCS would have taken me into a different direction. I still wonder, had I taken the TCS offer, as some of my friends have taken, I would have been counting both rupees and dollars in my account and crores worth of ESOPs! But never regretted my career decisions - I am happy then and I am happier now, more than ever. But those two telegrams changed my destiny in a way.

That is, to cut a long story short, a nostalgic trip down the telegram path. The curtains are down on the 163-year old telegram service; it happened to the hand-written letter, inland letter, trunk call, and so on. The news of  Abraham Lincoln's assassination took almost three weeks to reach the other side of the Atlantic. Telegrams filled a big void that even ships couldn't for a long time. Neither I nor my father ever stored even one telegram that made our moments memorable but I do store an equivalent of a telegram  today in my comfort zone. I favorite the tweets I like, I like the facebook posts and pages I like to reference back, and I copy the best sms messages on my mobile phone to the memory card. Telegrams are dead, long live happy telegraphic messages!

"Bhaag Milka Bhaag" Hindi Movie Review

India's most famous athlete Milka Singh has never won a Gold medal at the Olympics. But when he sprinted those tracks be it in Berlin, Tokyo, Rome, Melbourne or Paris, he created a flutter and an epic wave of adulation that knew no language barriers in a newly-independent India - an India where Cricket is yet to scale feverish fervor, where Hockey ruled the roost and where sportsman had to struggle for grants to wear basic paraphernalia like spike shoes and wrist bands. Milka Singh, therefore, fired a nation's imagination when he ran like a Cheetah in races upto 400 metres and won many national and Asian awards. He also broke the World Record for 400 metres acing up the previous record of 45.9 seconds with 45.8 seconds. He achieves iconic fame that makes people like PM Jawaharlal Nehru fete him and appoint him as Goodwill Ambassador for Indo-Pak Games. Even "Padmashri" is conferred on him. In those days, one "Padmashri" is worth a hundred "Padma Bhushan"s because it is given to those who achieved outlier milestones in their chosen calling. How did Milka Singh win so many laurels? What drove him to run the most improbable races of his life - a race to qualify for the national team where he has to beat an athlete Sher Singh who broke his bones and blistered his foot, a race against an arch rival from Pakistan which took Milka Singh's parents in post-partition riots? What were the chief motivations of Milka Singh? Was it an escape from hunger, rewards of money,  pride of representing India or an unflinching and almost neurotic obsession with breaking records? What was his love life? What about the allegations on his brief affair with an Australian girl or the swimming athlete from India? Was he really guilty of stealing at the Asian Games or the National Games? Answers to these and many more will find a mesmerising cinematic take by Director Raykesh Omprakash Mehra (you can enter the Spellbee contest if you get his name right). Title role is played by Farhan Akhtar who proves why he is one of the most intense and professional actors wearing a director's cap. In a running time of little over three hours, Mehra has re-created the magical odyessey of Milka Singh from origins as a toddler to his finest hour of annointment as a "Flying Sikh" by Pakistan Premier Ayub Khan. 

It seems Milka Singh himself has chiselled portions of the script to render authenticity to the film with a terrific starcast - Pawan Malhotra as the coach and many other famous "art movement" film personalities. Prasoon Joshi does a triple-hat with story, screenplay and dialogues. Most dialogues are in Punjabi but the vocabulary used sprinkles operative Hindi  to connect with the masses. PrakashRaj gets a different role that gives him scope to emote rather than utter spitefully. Sonam Kapoor looks the same smiley, shy girl in "Delhi-6" but her role is limited and her disappearance from Milka's (Farhan) life in second half is surprising. Choreography by Ganesh Acharya and two others is catchy and pleasantly different. The steps are matching the energy and sparkle of the trio Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy. They return with a bang - they breathe fire into every song and rev up the overall mood of the film. Surprised to find that one of the producers P.S.Bharathi is also cited as Editor - that has slipped a bit. An illustrious bio-data of 20 years needn't run to 10 pages. Similarly, a career of an iconic Milka Singh needn't be biopicised in three hours. Some scenes should have been cut, even some songs. Director, and by inaction, the Editor have shown many scenes from the childhood as well as the training period to show how Milka Singh became a hardened youth with a fire-in-the belly. Mehra uses the flashback technique to narrate the story of the Flying Sikh but a number of scenes appear repetitive and sometimes slow. The wounds of Partition which scarred Milka's psyche are a recurring theme. The races, even if exciting, are too numerous which sometimes give a documentary-feel.

What endears the film, despite its minor flaws, is the imagery of the rural landscape and a brutally honest portrayal of Milka's trials and triumphs, fetishes and failures. In the annals of world athletics, there may be many superstars who sprinted their way to Olympic glory like Jesse Owens, Ben Johnson but very few have stumbled upon athletics  from a background as strange as that of Milka Singh. He joins the Army first, then joins athletics because he will diet will get richer by a glass of milk and two eggs. In all his races, he sprints them first in the mind and then completes it physically almost like a Covey habit of highly effective people. He uses a combination of hardwork, willpower and dedication,as admitted in the film to raise the bar everytime. Today's media show the likes of Gavaskar, Rathod, Sethi and Anand give us that one secret to excel in sports and games. But for so many years Milka Singh has done the talking with his relentless sprinting at a time when Radio carried the waves of commentary, GDP growth was a Hindu rate of growth, and Indians barely began to believe in themselves. Milka Singh opened the first door of liberalisation in sports. For many years, it was half-open and waited for someone to push it wide open and explain the secret of his success. This is the film - inspiring but with some flaws and hot scenes. For all those who only know the famous joke on him ("Are you Relaxing?". "No, I am Milka Singh") "Bhaag Milka Bhaag" will throw better light on the man. New India deserves to know. Rating 4 on 5.

"Singam 2" ("Yamudu 2") Telugu/Tamil Movie Review

I watched "Singham" in one of the 2355 screens world-wide.  Thats a staggering number indeed - something that no Tollywood hero has ever achieved so far. Speaks of the all-pervasive appeal of Superstar Suryaa and Kollywood across global audiences.  His films combine action, intelligence, entertainment and a dominant theme that usually make a mark - something that interests film-makers outside Kollywood attracting the likes of Aamir Khan and Ajay Devgn. Given the high bar of expectations, therefore, "Singham" created an unprecedented buzz. The buzz started off with an early warning that seemed a little ominous: the length of the film. That's killing: 2 hours 46 minutes 13 seconds. You expected better stuff from the makers of "Singam": because it is a sequel in the most authentic manner - it starts off chronologically at the same point where Prakash Raj gets killed by Inspector Narasimham (Suryaa) in the last plot. 

Inspector Narasimham is under-cover this time to detect why stuff is getting imported via Kakinada port. He is appointed by Vijay Kumar in a top-secret operation that even the top cops do not know. Narasimham works unbeknownst to all including his parents, his girl friend Anushka as an NCC guard and gathers details about two gangs operated by Mukesh Rushi and Rahman who peddle drugs via Danny, an International Drug Cartel Ganglord. The first half is all about establishing the links to this deadly nexus between criminals, romantic tracks between Suryaa and Anushka (two-sided) and between Suryaa and Hansika (one-sided from the girl). Santhaanam sprinkles his sparkling comic sense throughout the film, especially enriching the entertainment value in the first half. The block on interval comes with Narasimham deciding to take charge as DSP of Kakinada as criminals run amok and the gang-leaders tighten their grip. Until this point, the film is gripping and intense, intelligent and entertaining. The gradient of entertainment drops off after that and never returns to give you that wow factor which you need in the climax to make a film a blockbuster. 

What are the highlights of the film? Undoubtedly, performance by Suryaa - he looks the most complete cop ever - suave, stern and gentle at the same time and a body that today's policemen in higher rungs don't have - abdomen made of concrete and an exterior that even Hollywood Superheroes can't fake. Next, Santhanam's comedy which has now reached a colossal status - he seems such a vast improvement over the loud Tamil comedians that were never a match for the iconic Comedian galaxy of Tollywood films. What is helping Santhanam who seems to be born with a poker face all the time is the lines that his writers write for him - they are worth a million buck. Vennelakanti has written solid lines for both Santhanam and Suryaa. "Vayasu lo figuru, Vayasayaaka Shugaru.." is just one of the many fabulous mouthfuls that Santhanam gets to speak with uproarious laughter. You don't really need a Vivek in a film that has Santhanam tickling you. Infact, this film shows Santhanam better utilised than any Comedian used by a Tamil Superstar so much in recent times. It seems a tactic borrowed from Tollywood's heroes. DSP's music is just apt for the moods and oompish songs of Singham brand. Director Hari's team has created a good dancing groove that may become as famous as Gangnam style - thats Singam style. Anushka  and Hansika look good in their roles - Anushka should switch from her brand of Yoga to Pilates and Aerobics in order to look slimmer in future. 

What mars the film is the length, as mentioned earlier. You don't need to establish the sincerity of an upright police officer in a sequel but Director wastes some footage in creating scenes that re-establish the character of Singam. Stunts could have been more intense and less frequent. Dubbing care has gone for a six in the film which was better handled in recent years thanks to Producers who have their ears to the ground.  Most of the film is short in a coastal town which is supposed to be Kakinada in Telugu but the editor's slip shows it as Tuticorin, most street shots still show Tamil signages. Chennai Airport is shown as Rajahmundry Airport, Kochi Airport is shown as Hyderabad Airport, pincodes of Kakinada don't add up at all and the sea coast of Kakinada can't hold a candle to the magnificent beaches of Tuticorin. Even the police station of which Suryaa is the  lion-king loosely shows the portraits of Sardar Patel and Netaji  - it looks more of a deliberate intent than a best practice amongst police stations in India. Chief Minister's Peshi shows Anna Durai, Kamaraj and others of a state from where it is dubbed from. Loose ends like this haven't been seen in a long time  - with some careful makers who eye Tollywood as much as Kollywood market. While the plot builds up to an intense crescendo at interval time, it fails to register a good finish in the second half with a dragging story and a weak climax. But the first half alone is enough for a watch-once recommendation, embellished by the performances of Suryaa and Santhaanam and glamor quotients of Anushka and Hansika. Rating: 3 on 5.

"Man of Steel" (English Film Review)

Hollywood and least of all, Times Warner never lets go of films with milkable franchise value. "Superman" is one of the themes that keeps coming back into our multiplexes even if Superman has never visited this planet from any of the satellites of planet Jupiter in recorded history, in real life. Come to think of it, "Superman" has also drawn less crowds than the other comic strip superheroes especially "Spiderman" In a citation of the 300 best-ever blockbusters by George Lucas, "Spiderman" parts one and two made it to the top 50 way ahead of "Superman" and even "Batman". For the records, though, "Superman-the movie" made in 1978 and "Superman II" (starring Christopher Reeves) made it to spot no.57 and 163 respectively with combined takings of  $600 million between the both of them. So, it is not surprising to find a renewed effort by DC Comics, Times Warner and producer Christopher Nolan to make one more film that reboots the magic of the primary colours superhero - this time for the new generation.  

What did they do different this time that the older versions didn't pay attention to? Basic plot and detailing of how Krypton thrived, and disintegrated. Director Zack Snyder builds a skeletal storyline to dumb down the primordial origins of Superman in the wonderful planet of Krypton - built for scale of maginificent flying objects, mysterious reptilian creatures and reality-begetting thoughts where the spirits wander at will after death and the living meander without emotions. Rusell Crowe plays the natural father to Superman who is born to his mother in Krypton's first natural pregnancy labor but by then the villain annexes the whole planet as he overthrows the rulers. Krypton implodes as self-destruction engulfs the rulers and the rebels. Russell Crowe  entraps the genetic code of the Kryptonians in a codex carrying baby Superman and releases him in a rocket towards uncharted territories. This part shows good emotions. Superman reaches Earth and grows under the care and nurture of foster parents played brilliantly by Kevin Costner and Dianne Lane. As time passes by and the Superman comes of age and realises his power to save the world, the villains who were crystallized in space before planet Krypton imploded awaken to life and hunt down Superman as they come to Earth in "Independence Day" style satellite spaceships and threaten  Earthlings to surrender Superman to them. There is another sinister plot to this which only Superman knows - the plan to de-planetise Earth and reconstruct planet Krypton on the earth's crust. This is  the weakest part of the story however bizarre the plot is. This probably borrows from the concepts of Physics that matter can neither be destroyed nor created in a film that resembles many other franchises in the execution of some visuals and concepts. One gets a deja vu sense of seeing films like "Avatar", "StarWars", "StarTrek", "Batman", "Spiderman", "Matrix" in this offering. The first half, to be fair, is a great storyboard of stunning visuals and feast of Sfx on the Kryptonian origins of Superman, his journey to Earth, his coming of age. But from the second half, the director seems to have lost control of the cruise and lets the treatment go haywire as there's no depth in the story that has a trite ending and a weaker climax. What lifts the film are the performances by the elderly starcast - Dianne Lane, Kevin and Rusell. Henry Ceville as the Superman looks sturdy and convincing. From the feel and look of the film, it may be an unconvincing film for hardcore Supeman fans. If I can hazard a guess at what's coming next, it will be a full-flooded storyline  with better romance and neater screenplay and a beefed up storyline - this time directed by the venerable Christopher Nolan. This is meant to be a reprise dude for those who like to have a graphic retelling of how Superman really came into being. 

Technically, the film is outstanding and the 3-D effects are precious few, as is happening lately. With ever new technology, Hollywood outgrows itself into showing how to infuse new verve, energy and speed into the Mach-12 speed of the jetting Superman . One day, he may travel at the speed of light on celluloid. But this time, lets give the benefit of doubt to the Warner Brothers for making a caper that lets them wake up and smell the money. One more surprise for hardcore fans of Superman is the missing music of John Williams. It is Han Zimmer now  - "The Gladiator" composer who steals the show and the thunder from the effervescent theme that haunts us as we know. A mixed bag and a basic re-introduction of Superman, if nothing else. Watchable in the first half. But for the effort, it deserves 3.5 on 5.

"Something Something" (Telugu Film Review)

Some stars hitch-hike their way to stardom doing the same star-turn again and again and hope for re-alignment of luck or fortune. Little do they realise that fortune favors the brave or the new or those who try out different roles. Atrophy sets in sooner for actors who play the same kind of roles. Siddharth is the star to talk about in this film "Something Something", his screen roles are less than half as exciting as his off-screen romantic tracks, maybe he should make a film on that like "Autograph Memories". This film is no different.  "Something Something" is a story borrowed from the film "Choti Si Baat".

 Kumar is an IT Geek who can't talk to girls, let alone woo them. Everyone in his office has a fling or two and are having a blast in office. Into this office steps in Hansika, the trainer. Kumar (Siddharth) lightens up, loosens his libido and makes many false starts to converse with the girl. Somebody advises that he needs the expert guidance of Premji (not Aziz Premji, just love Guru Premji). Premji (Brahmanandam) enters and starts his tutorial with Kumar. He succeeds, despite competition in the fray and all that. He gets paid by the minute and the hour like some Intellectual Property lawyer of Amarchand Mangaldass & Co. It is this chemistry between Brahmi and Siddharth that gets some genuine good laughs and punchy one-liners.

The only twist in the film is at break-time where Premji learns that Hansika is his own niece. He decides to move into reverse gear and starts a campaign that will antagonise Kumar. This is the part that is dreary and deadpan. Entertainment reaches a crescendo in the first half but fails to sustain the momentum in the second half making it an average film on the whole. Comedy with Brahmi and others is above-average and intensely situational; its been a long time since he is enmeshed with the main storyline and shows up till the end. But age is not on his side and had it been a younger comedian like Venu Madhav or Srinivas Reddy or even Sunil, the output would have been fiery and effective. Music by Sathya is new-sounding and not uniformly melodious. Director Sundar hasn't done his best in crispening the film. What peppers the film with a weak storyline are special appearances  by Rana Daggubati and Samantha, his current hearthrob.  Hansika is happy to be dressed like a princess who keeps looking at her own image in the mirror, she cannot act. On the whole, Siddharth tries to rope in the magic of Brahmanandam (Santhanam in Tamil) to turn his luck on. But this is unlikely to be a big draw in Telugu because he has no role to kill for and the film is just about average despite being a clean entertainer which families can watch. 2.5 out of 5 is my rating.

Mr KV Kamath and The Coefficient of Determination

Mr.KV Kamath has been replaced by Narayan Murthy in Infosys and people are praising both of them. I don't want to spoil the party for Kamath fans but I want to point an analogy from Statistics to explain my point. "The Coefficient of Determination" represents R Square, used in Regression Analysis for explaining the movement of a dependent variabl...e attributed to the movement of the independent variable. So, an R square, short for Coefficient of Determination, of 95 means, that the dependent variable's movement is attributed 95% to the movement of the independent variable.


Take Mr Kamath's achievements in Banking. There are paralleled by few other stalwarts, no doubt, like Mr Aditya Puri, Mr Uday Kotak and Mr Rana Kapoor. But in all fairness, if a Coefficient of Determination be used to judge his performance in ICICI Bank, as he took over from Mr N Vaghul, it must be said that the Banking Credit itself grew by leaps and bounds during his tenure, for the system as a whole. If I hazard a guess, it grew from Rs.7 lakh crores to Rs.56 lakh crores in the last decade. What does it mean? It means Mr Kamath's rise in Banking could have been matched by anybody else sitting in his place because the basic platform captured 80-95 per cent of the action from the demand for banking credit, which just grew astronomically. I am not deriding Mr Kamath's achievements here; I am only suggesting that we should evaluate his performance fairly and objectively - how much has come from independent variable (his ability) and how much has come from dependent variable (bank credit). Now, lets contrast this with his tenure at Infosys which has been quite forgettable until Mr Murthy decided to take his stewardship back. In the last three years, Infosys has been the victim of both internal turbulence - many seniors leaving the company for greener avenues or different avocations - and external turmoil. Compared to the metric of Bank Credit which grew at an average of 14% p.a. in the last ten years or so, IT industry in India grew in single digits, the world's big spenders in IT curtailed their budgets, shrunk their balance sheets, hived off unprofitable units and all this resulted in immense shakeouts, rationalisation and hardship for companies like Infosys. The famed "thirty plus" margins of Infosys can no longer be granted and Mr Kamath's tenure became a rocky one - his invincibility became a muslin thread that gave away to the shocks of the subprime crisis. You could also argue, in another perverse manner, that the Peter Principle (Every employee rises to his own level of incompetence) has applied brutally here too. It will be interesting what the Coefficient of Determination test will prove here for Mr Kamath's innings at Infosys. This is the framework I would like folks to evaluate Mr Kamath. I don't mean to disparage the man and his achievements. I met MR Kamath atleast thrice in my stint at ICICI Bank and have enormous goodwill and regards for him. But I don't want to be carried away by blind followership.

Disclaimer: I hold shares in ICICI Bank even today.

Amway and Your True Calling in Life.

Amway's CEO got arrested for financial irregularities. I am so glad this happened in my lifetime and not during my kid's retirement years. Amway is just one of the several MLM schemes that have got the better of many intelligent people. I know of most sober and savvy people working in companies like Google, Microsoft, SBI, SBH, ICICI Bank, HDFC Bank guard the Amway products and schemes like a fana...tical zealot. I had always resisted the advances of such people and wondered what is it with lovely people who will turn mercenaries overnight and begin to talk like vacuum-cleaner salesmen. Daniel Pink has just written a book "Its Human to Sell." I beg to differ. It is not human to sell always, especially when the audience is captive and they are your best buddies, teachers, students, co-workers, pen pals, boss's wife or husband, twitter followers, facebook friends, landlords, tenants, co-travellers, gas suppliers, meter readers, you name it. I have gone through the embarrassments of being at the receiving end of atleast few of my relatives and friends and closer kin. I was devastated whenever I went through the experience, I couldn't say No because they are so close to me, I couldn't buy the products, and I wouldn't "recruit" more. The chain invariably broke with me and I could never, never again resume a normal conversation with any friend or a relative or an acquaintance who sold me vague concepts of "time", "annuity", "financial freedom" and other fuzzy financial management concepts steamrolled into emotional packages.


At the core of such schemes of Amway or any such MLM scheme lie three principles:

1. They play on your insecurities of life - inadequate money, passionless job and rising expenditure to match aspirational levels.

2. They indoctrinate you with fancy "recruiting" functions that have the feel of an Evangelist session where many newcomers like you are greeted by older "recruits" breaking out into ecstatic shouts and shrieks, even getting footloose from where they are standing, talking about "How I raised myself from failure to success in selling Amway/Tupperware/Japanlife/Saradha/MihiraMagic/Landmark/whatever, how everything in life is achievable and all prosperity is sitting in the bank balance and how you can too". You have to attend atleast five such functions before you get into the jingoism that is smeared into the experienced elite who are singing hosannahs now.

3. Then having got you, your "converted" zeal, you will have to get into a producing mode of recruiting other people into your network, or become a huge consumer or even a pro-sumer - a combination of both. This is where, very few make it. And those who make it, may have succeeded against all odds - of embarrassments, of ostracisation, of hard-selling their own friends and colleagues and relatives.

I have seen a few cycles of such principle-centered selling of these schemes and have been a victim of atleast one bad experience where I was conned into a Questnet MLM scheme in the hope of owning a rare coin, an insignia of a FIFA World Cup, which will become so rare that it will cost more than the gold and the silver blended into the coin. Finally, the Questnet scheme owner got arrested and the scheme was abandoned. Having paid Rs.45000 in those days for a puny coin which has a Mexico World Cup signage on it. I got a mere Rs.9000 when I gave it to my mother a few years back because there was less silver than gold and even less gold than the powder used as letters on the coin! For all the love of soccer, my savings became a succor for someone's greed. I never invested in any Ponzi scheme after that because I now firmly believe P.T.Barnum, America's greatest showman salesman who said: A sucker is born every minute.

Many years back, when I was a banker at BNP Paribas, I spotted atleast two such Ponzi schemes - Mihira Magic, which made stuff that are flying off the shelves just as Amway products today and a call-centre which operated like a Ponzi scheme, which I will not name. Mihira Magic also finally folded up but I tried to outstmart the owners by making every chain subscriber open a salary account with the bank. It won me lot of plaudits and helped me register a fine performance at work. But the tragedy struck elsewhere, BNP Paribas, the retail bank folded up in India before Mihira Magic pulled down the curtains many years later. Mora of the story here: One swallow doesn't make a summer for a bank.

At a basic level, at a very conceptual level, one can argue that all schemes are Ponzi Schemes, whether it is about products or product managers or product consumers - its all about recruitment. But the ones that stand out are usually having the flavor that marks all the others which eventually collapsed, sooner or later. Having been in sales and relationship-building for many years now, I like to conclude this autobiographical excursion on Amway-like schemes with a few strong learnings which I learnt after many fifty-hour work-weeks during my career.

One, whether you are an employee or a business owner, your biggest asset is your career (in case of a working professional) or your business (in case of an owner or an entrepreneur).

Two, Invest in your career or business most because they have the best payoffs. Do not fall for schemes which promise you the moon and the six pence - they cannot succeed like the way you can. Invest in yourself or your business or your real assets - family, hobbies. That has the greatest payoff.

Three, Stop burning your inner and outer circle of contacts with bummer proposals and schemes which take you nowhere and what more, ostracise you forever. Build your skills, spend all your energies into making yourself relevant, employable and precious till your last day. There is no financial freedom that comes without blood, sweat, tears and hardships. DeVos is the richest man in Michigan. Okay, he is the co-founder of Amway, is worth $5.1 Billion but that is the worth of all his factory assets and stocks traded. The rest of the MLM subscribers are not worth as much.

Four, in a day of 24 hours, you work for 8 hours whichever way and sleep for 8 hours. The remaining 8 hours is for relaxation, recreation, renewal or capacity-building. Not for selling a pipe-dream, somebody else's dream.

Five, repeat of point no.three. Do not run the risk of becoming a social outlaw - "Here comes the Amway man or woman". Get the boot or Re-boot your thinking about MLMs. Build businesses or Invest in businesses or become a careerist. Don't be a MLM evangelist.